“Most people speak up around 12 weeks,” said Stef. I guess I should have said something months ago but my usual wacky life got in the way. After Sunday, only Snowbird will run full steam so it is time to reflect and fess up; I’ve logged about 70 days around Utah so far, been working on the Sports Guide, writing and entertaining friends and friends of friends throughout the season. Who has the time to stop and consider that I’m PREGNANT? Up until now, it just hasn’t felt real. The amniocentesis from last week, sealed the deal. I’m having a healthy baby girl.
I still fit into my clothes, no one has asked if I’m getting fat or done something different with my hair, and I haven’t slowed down one bit. In fact, I won the women’s division at the Ski Utah Media Day race last weekend, I’m working out at the gym tomorrow and skiing Alta Sunday.
At 22 weeks (five and a half months for those mathematically challenged), I’m feeling a bit pudgy (but only I can tell :)) and frustrated. I’m not used to the extra pounds (8-9). I can’t believe I – of all people – am going to be a mother. You probably can’t either. But experts say it’s different when it’s your own kid. I can only hope.
Before anyone asks how I’m doing, they wonder about Ryan, my hunky, charming, sweetheart boyfriend of three years. When he’s not playing with my enormous (to me) breasts, he’s freaking out. At 11 years my junior, you can see how this might be a shocker. But he’s also been incredible- showing up to the ultrasounds, the amnio and getting me pink lemonade in the middle of the night. I’ve told my parents and he’s dreading telling his. My mom, by the way, has essentially disowned me and my dad, threw me off by reacting with a cheerful, “I’m not sure how I feel about this but I suppose I will think about it for a few days and see,”
We don’t know where things will stand with us by the time the baby comes (August 22) but that’s ok. Ryan and I went into this knowing that there was a good chance I’d be a single mom. I didn’t expect anything from him. You see, about a year ago I decided I wanted to try for a child because my window of opportunity was rapidly slamming shut on my fingers. We spoke at length and when I asked him where he stood, he replied, “I’m your man!” And he is right. He’s the kind of guy I want somewhere in my life forever even if he’s not my baby’s biodad. Even if he bailed tomorrow, I will always love him. I could never hate him or blame him.
The whole concept of being a parent frightens me. Especially doing it alone. I have no savings, a freelance writing career (i.e. no income) and a selfish lifestyle. But millions of women around the world make it work – with less smarts and money than me – so I’m encouraged. Like my mom said,= when I told her, “You never did anything the traditional way, why should this be any different?” Not to mention that with a late summer due date, I won’t skip a beat when it comes to ski season. And now I can become a “family travel and baby product writer” on top of my other niches.
My close friends, of course, wonder, “Why? You always hated kids.” All I can say in my defense is that in the past few years kids became ‘cute’ rather than annoying in my eyes. I knew that I didn’t want to wait so long that it was too late to have kids and then regret never trying. I want a family of my own. I’m not close with my brother or sister. And when my parents go, I’m alone. I don’t want to be alone.
So there you have it. My big news. The sad news is that my insurance doesn’t kick in until after $5k so I’m forced to beg, borrow and garage sale to even get to birth day. If you have any maternity clothes or baby stuff (or know someone who does) or just want to offer advice, I’d be forever indebted and will gladly return or donate anything that comes way. My address is 8827 Gorgoza Dr., Park City, UT, 84098 but I’m happy to pick up your hand-me-downs if you don’t live too far away.
Thank you all for wishing me the best and not doubting my decision. This is something that I want and there’s no turning back. I promise to blog more regularly now that I’ve got nothing to hide. Hope you tune in for more tales and trials!