The magazines aren’t kidding. As I get closer to popping, my sleep has gone to hell, the baby now moves in the middle of the night instead of just before I fall asleep, the belly weighs too much and I feel like a cow. The good news is that although Stef says I’m about 70 percent effaced, there is no dilation. The baby has moved lower, head down, and it’s now a waiting game. I can apparently safely make it through the Outdoor Retailer’s Show which ends Sunday. The prescription for this week is rest and no sex. My doctor told me there’s a strong chance that sex could induce labor and I don’t want to take any chances.
The biggest downfall now with having a 27-year-old, testosterone-filled boyfriend is that he’s not very understanding when I say, “No sex this week.” The begging last night was borderline desperate and definitely disturbing. Nine times out of 10 I’m happy to oblige; but this week “NO” means no. And he wasn’t giving up. It hurt my feelings because he wasn’t listening to me and didn’t care about what I needed and wanted. He kept pressuring me. It’s cool that he still feels attracted to the nine-month pregnant chick but I started to get the feeling that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with releasing his ‘tension.’
It was all about him getting some because he had been out of town last week. How is it going to be once the baby’s born?? Stef says no intercourse for six weeks to allow the privates to heal. Six weeks will be an eternity to Ryan. I don’t think we’ve gone six days in the past three years. I know that I can trust him but that doesn’t mean he will be supportive and understanding during this period. Like I need to add guilt and sexual pressure to everything else that will transpire over the next two months. Perhaps I’m worrying over nothing and should just wait and see. Hmmm. Maybe all of my hormones are running amok and making me paranoid.
I certainly am not thinking straight after just two hours of sleep. The future- something very hard to imagine at this point. I can’t even imagine giving birth, let alone being a mother for the rest of my life. There are sooo many “what ifs” at this point. I don’t regret my decision to become pregnant. It’s just that I could always draw an outline of my life and for the first time I’m drawing a huge blank. Check back for the final belly photos.