Ryan’s got to stop farting! If he doesn’t, he’s sleeping someplace else. I deseparately need my sleep. For the past four nights, his silent stench has woken me up. I’ll turn in bed, the sheets will invariably lift and, poof, it’s like I’ve stepped into a sewer system. The smell is enough to kill small farm animals. And it wakes me in an angry way. Maybe he’s telling the truth when he says he has no idea he’s doing it. I don’t care. It has to stop! It’s driving me crazy.
Last night, I got so mad. Not only did he fart a zillion times, but he rolled over to my side of the bed to do it. I shoved him back over and he didn’t even grunt. Not fair that he can sleep through this vile act. When he snores, my nudges will wake him and he stops. My theory that if he wakes me up, I’m waking him up doesn’t apply to his gas. Waking him up, doesn’t make the offense go away. It just makes him lift the sheets and release more of the toxic fumes.
Living with a guy, granted, isn’t exactly wine and roses 24/7 but it shouldn’t be backwash and stinkweed either. Ryan’s a sweet guy and he means well most of the time but I’ve never had a boyfriend with gas this bad. During the day, he’s gotten better at not walking over to me and farting. Now he tries to fart in the bathroom or at least out of earshot. But at night, it seems unavoidable and it’s killing me. The couch has his name written all over it. Men, why are you so disgusting?