Vysera Kisses My Ass Goodbye


It’s weird to have your boyfriend complain about your weight…When you’ve lost it. He says that I dieted my ass off. Literally. He can go to hell. Or better, he can lose weight too then talk to me about it.

I’m super psyched on the skinny me and I’m not about to let him rain on my parade. And I’m sure my butt will look just fine once I get jeans that fit. Seriously, who would have thought I’d have this problem where none of my designer jeans fit right. My True Religions, my James Jeans, even my favorite Joes Jeans. They’re fitting like lounge pants. However, I’ve been afraid to buy anything new. I don’t trust the pounds won’t come back. Sure, three months after my Vysera experiment I’m not only skinny but skinnier. I have lost an additional five pounds. My arms are thinner, I’ve lost five percent body fat, my thighs don’t touch. I’m amazed. But will it last long enough to re-tool the wardrobe? Like Ryan missing my ass, I’m missing my jeans on my ass. On the bright side, Ryan appreciates my leaner tummy.

I didn’t actually need to lose weight. Basic Research in West Valley, Utah, wanted a few test subjects to spend 30 days on a carb-blocking supplement called Vysera and they threw in a personal trainer and a nutritionist. The idea that I could be my college weight again if only for a few weeks was the carrot that spurred the 8-pound drop.

There have been only three times in my life when I weighed nearly 112. In high school I weighed 108. In college, I fed my emotional pain with dorm fries and milk shakes after breaking both my leg and thumb during the ski season, ballooned to 125 and dropped 15 the month after my casts came off. In grad school, I took a job serving cocktails at The Cheesecake Factory in Marina Del Rey (the most awesome job in the world btw) and quit after regularly stuffing on cheesecake and nachos. I was back to 120. A month of weight training later, I was 112. Slowly, though, I moved to the mountains, lived a full life as a ski bum, became a mother; suffered a bout with cancer and chemo and eventually settled in at 123-125 depending on the day. I figured that was my meant-to-be weight. No matter what I ate it hovered there. Ryan would tease that I ‘could stand to lose a few’ because of the infamous baby belly but it didn’t bother me. He was right.

Then came the Vysera challenge. I went to bed starving every night and I went from 125 to 117 in 30 days. The only thing that kept me on the straight and narrow was knowing that in four weeks I’d be back to eating PF Chang’s and Cheesecake Factory. Funny, I’ve only eaten at Chang’s once since December.

The strict diet of fruits, veggies and protein not only overhauled my kitchen but my tastebuds. I’m into ‘portion control’ as well. I get one serving and don’t go back for seconds. I tend to grab an apple instead of a brownie for dessert. Weightloss was inevitable considering I stopped eating pasta, rice, potatoes and McDonald’s. The more impressive aspect is that not only did I keep the weight off but lost four more pounds after the ‘diet’ and the supplement officially ended.

Did the Vysera work or was it all the other stuff? I can’t say for sure. My trainer can. He says that the women he trains who don’t take the pill only lose half of what I did. Not to mention that my diet was right over the freakin Christmas holidays and I still lost weight. Each week I was 2 pounds lighter and leaner. I’d like to think it was the supplement too because it’s depressing to think I had the power to change inside me all these years and was just lazy.

The goal now is to rock the gym and keep everything slim and tight at least until my Disney cruise in May. I’m going to leave the tankini home and wear a bikini. OMG I haven’t done that since Sage was born. Without the Vysera I never would have been inspired to go for it so I guess in a way the twice a day pill DID help me lose weight. If only the project came with money for new jeans. Just saying.


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