I only wanted to enter my dog in a talent contest. Second Chance for Homeless Pets was hosting an event last year during the annual What A Woman Wants Expo in South Jordan, Utah. But because it took place inside the Expo Center they included a free ticket to the event. Oh sure, lure me into a place where every other vendor was having some sort of “free giveaway”. This was my wet dream.

Little did I know that I wasn’t just registering for free lotions, cooking utensils, cash, vacations and necklaces. I was inviting every multi-level marketing company into my life for the next month. The phone started ringing in less than 24 hours after the show. I ‘won’ a gourmet meal for up to eight people, cooked in my own home, I ‘won’ a facial for me and four friends, I ‘won’ a mini perfume and a makeover from Mary Kay, and tonight I was asked to drive down to Draper to ‘claim’ my “free” Hammer Stahl Santoku knife by sitting through a 90- minute cooking demo in the hopes that I will buy a $3000 cooking set. HA! Anyone who knows me knows I’m not buying a $3k anything.

But I wanted that knife. I tested it at the Show and boy did it feel sweet in my hands and slicing taters on the demo table. These kinds of marketing presentations are odd. There were only four women in the room tonight. Two of us definitely walked with our knife and vacation certificate (they threw in a 4-day all inclusive stay at a variety of tropical resorts to entice) and no pots and pans. Not sure about the other two. This has to be a successful marketing strategy. You can’t believe how many online posts there are from frustrated consumers who bought into the promise of pans that can practically clean themselves and cook leaving all the food’s nutrients intact.  They either found the pans are nothing special or they really couldn’t afford them but it was too late to get their money back. You only have three days to deal with your buyer’s remorse or you wind up stuck with a $570 pan at 3.5% interest PER MONTH (NOT YEAR).

The thing is, it’s not hard to beat them at their game. We have smartphones now.  Google “NutriChef review”. I went to the event knowing that I wasn’t going to purchase anything that has a C- with the BBB; but I learned some great cooking tips (cook meat in a steamer, let the oil drip into the water pot below, then brown it in the pan so it never sits in the oil), ate a nice snack of chicken and veggies and chocolate cake, and I have a slick knife coming for $12 S/H who’s lowest price is $54 on eBay.

We’re all adults. Anyone who believes that the cookware they have isn’t getting the job done and they should spend $3K on “surgical grade stainless steel” has no one to blame but themselves. At the end of the presentation (where they said the deal is only available tonight and if I purchased they would throw in a breakfast pan set “free”), I said thank you, but that I was going to go home and test his cooking techniques with my own Cuisinart set and see how it compares. The presenter was quick to argue that they would fail. I smiled and said I would have to see for myself. I took my free certificates and left. The only scam I face is if that knife never arrives and AMEX refuses to issue me a refund (they wouldn’t).

BTW, We didn’t win the dog talent contest. Apparently, we didn’t stand a chance because he’s a purebred and not a rescue. Shame on me. Riiiight. I love that people rescue animals. My kitty is a rescue. But after a miserable experience with a lad/husky mix I saved in the 80s and the amazingly positive experience I had with Tenaya (pure Aussie from an Idaho breeder) a decade later, guess which choice I made with Takoda? I may have lost the contest but I have one hell of a dog.

Here’s how he did on stage:

Oh, he’s the second dog up.

http://youtu.be/sEpUGkLEL5k