It’s been long enough and enough people have asked how I’m doing that it’s time to let you all know, I’m pregnant. KIDDING. The big, bigger, news is that my very last chemo is this Friday. That’s it. Six down, no more to go! I’m more than halfway through radiation as well. In fact, if it weren’t for my empty bank account and the rash over my left breast, you’d never know what I’ve been through. I have my hair and aside from having to drive to SLC daily for radiation, life is same ol’ same ol’. Just this month, I’ve finished pieces for MSN.com, SkiResorts.com, Draft Magazine and my usual OnTheSnow resports, I’ve skied opening days at Snowbird, Alta (x2), Park City and Solitude, potty trained Sage (or maybe she just lets us think it was all me), painted my hallways and finally found a renter for one of my spots.
The end date for everything is Dec. 19. Talk about celebrating the New Year. You bet this is going to be one of the best holidays of my life. Hannukah’s coming early to my house. 🙂
Some would point out that I was lucky but, to me, ‘lucky’ is not having canser at all (mispelled on purpose, that little fucker doesn’t deserve to be spelled correctly). Having the ‘the best’ kind of canser? That’s a consolation prize. Lucky that it wasn’t worse, sure; but I seriously doubt that anyone would want to be me unless they also have canser.
Can I say that I “had canser” in 2010 instead of “have canser”? I wonder. I’m afraid to try it; like I’ll jinx things and it’ll come back. The docs assure me that I was ‘canser free’ after the lumpectomy in July and all of this poisoning is just a precaution. But I can’t believe them. Once you get a canser diagnosis, your world changes forever. I didn’t just get a tonsilectomy. I had someone dig through my chest then poisoned my cells every three weeks for nearly five months. Plus, I’ve always walked around with the philosophy of expecting the worst so you can never be disappointed. I thought that way all through college. When I got A’s I was pleasantly surprised, psyched even; never disappointed. This does not mean that I am pessimistic. Not even close. I just choose not to get my hopes up until I have Tweetie in my hand.
So on my five-year canserversary, then I will breathe easy- and buy myself a brand new pair of boobs.
Now, if only it would start to snow, I could focus on something MUCH more important.
So how is everyone else doing?

BTW: I’m not pregnant and have no intention of sharing my love with any others outside of a pup, a boy and my Sage.

Ok, gotta sleep. Leaving tomorrow for Escalante for some canyoneering in Egypt 2. I thought I had a friend coming with me but it looks like I’m flying solo. Beeatch sent me an EMAIL (after I had called several times and sent texts over the past two days) at 4 today saying she was sick, had been since Tuesday and wasn’t feeling well enough to travel. Why don’t I cut her slack? Because 1)I first spoke with her on Tuesday about going and she jumped all over it. Not once did she mention she was coming down with something, 2) I made the plans around her schedule, 3) I spoke with her Thursday and still no mention of illness; 4) she never contacted me between then and today despite my many attempts to reach her; 5) when I *67’d her tonight at 10:30, she answered, sounded just fine and there was a party going on in the background. When she heard my voice, she hung up without saying a word and 6) I immediately texted her about how lame that was and she never responded. Chicken shit.
Funny, she spent about a half an hour bitching about how one of her good friends told her he couldn’t hang out with her 4yo anymore because she was too irritating. He stopped calling, bailed on plans they had, blah blah blah. She was extremely hurt and angry. You would think when something like that happens to you, you don’t turn around and be a total turd to someone else.
God I hate my ‘friends’. Another one bites the dust. Why can’t people just say no in the first place and stop f*&king around with other people’s valuable time and energy? I could have planned this trip for a different time and with different people. You don’t bail on a roadtrip the day before you’re supposed to leave. It’s just completely uncool. I had a cold on Wednesday too but it’s not stopping me from hitting Escalante on Sunday. If you’re truly sick at the time someone calls and invites you somewhere you TELL THEM THAT so that they can plan accordingly. If you don’t want to go, you say that immediately. YOU DO NOT WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE WHEN THERE’S ZERO TIME LEFT FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO FIND ANOTHER COMPANION. That’s just plain obnoxious and grounds for a baseball bat to the head. Ugh. Ok, I’m going to sleep now. Toodles!!

I’ll make this one a shorty seeing as how it’s five minutes to 2 a.m. and I have to get up at 7 a.m. to do this breast cancer strides walk. Hope talked me into it. I’m not one for getting up this early unless there are killer yard sales or there’re two feet of fresh snow at the resorts. The mountains in Utah aren’t open yet (that’ll come in Nov.) and it’s too cold for garage sales. I think it was guilt that motivates me. After Hope’s piece on Fox13 (see link in my FB posts), I received a few emails calling me an ‘inspiration’. Huh? I’m just doing what I’m told and trying to ignore the fact that I have a life-threatening disease.
I finished round three of chemo a week ago and am just fine thank you! Halfway through treatment now. Was a tad queasy last Saturday but that had more to do with lack of sleep and then doing nothing but sit around the house all day. By Monday, I was climbing and jumping on my Stair Master. The past two days have been spent researching the possiblity of doing radiation concurrent with chemo instead of waiting until chemo was done before starting 6 weeks of radiation (which, btw, would mean really f*^king up Christmas and January).
I figured since I was handling chemo so well, I could take the extra punch. None of the doctors in Utah seem to be up on this little time saver so I’ve had to Google like mad and contact cancer hospitals outside of the state. And here I thought the Huntsman Center was state of the art! After my research it seems that not only is CMF/radiation together viable but it may increase the longterm survival rate by 10 %. Plus, it keeps me from dragging my treatment into the next health insurance calendar year. Any sane person wouldn’t think twice. The side effects? They tell me my boob might not look as nice. Anyone out there can attest or deny this claim?
The stuff I’ve read so far says there’s no difference in looks at the 3 year point. You might be wondering how the twins are holding up at this point. Still small and perky. You can barely tell I had surgery. The scar blends in and there’s no divet from the chunk of tumor they removed. Thank you, Dr. Neumeyer! Ryan can even squeeze them now and there’s no pain or difference in touch between left and right. If it weren’t for my head I could be ‘normal’ again. My head though constantly takes me on walks where I wonder if there will ever be a time in the future that I can say to someone, “I had cancer” instead of “I have cancer”.
It’s a strange thing to feel like this disease will stick with you longer than family. Speaking of which. My sister’s birthday is this week. I sent her a blanket. 🙂

I’ll make this one a shorty seeing as how it’s five minutes to 2 a.m. and I have to get up at 7 a.m. to do this breast cancer strides walk. Hope talked me into it. I’m not one for getting up this early unless there are killer yard sales or there’re two feet of fresh snow at the resorts. The mountains in Utah aren’t open yet (that’ll come in Nov.) and it’s too cold for garage sales. I think it was guilt that motivates me. After Hope’s piece on Fox13 (see link in my FB posts), I received a few emails calling me an ‘inspiration’. Huh? I’m just doing what I’m told and trying to ignore the fact that I have a life-threatening disease. I finished round three of chemo a week ago and am just fine thank you! Halfway through treatment now. Was a tad queasy last Saturday but that had more to do with lack of sleep and then doing nothing but sit around the house all day. By Monday, I was climbing and jumping on my Stair Master. The past two days have been spent researching the possiblity of doing radiation concurrent with chemo instead of waiting until chemo was done before starting 6 weeks of radiation (which, btw, would mean really f*^king up Christmas and January). I figured since I was handling chemo so well, I could take the extra punch. None of the doctors in Utah seem to be up on this little time saver so I’ve had to Google like mad and contact cancer hospitals outside of the state. And here I thought the Huntsman Center was state of the art! After my research it seems that not only is CMF/radiation together viable but it may increase the longterm survival rate by 10 %. Plus, it keeps me from dragging my treatment into the next health insurance calendar year. Any sane person wouldn’t think twice. The side effects? They tell me my boob might not look as nice. Anyone out there can attest or deny this claim?The stuff I’ve read so far says there’s no difference in looks at the 3 year point. You might be wondering how the twins are holding up at this point. Still small and perky. You can barely tell I had surgery. The scar blends in and there’s no divet from the chunk of tumor they removed. Thank you, Dr. Neumeyer! Ryan can even squeeze them now and there’s no pain or difference in touch between left and right. If it weren’t for my head I could be ‘normal’ again. My head though constantly takes me on walks where I wonder if there will ever be a time in the future that I can say to someone, “I had cancer” instead of “I have cancer”. It’s a strange thing to feel like this disease will stick with you longer than family.

Ok, so now I’m a posterchild for Fox 13?? My friend Hope decided that since I’m the only person she knows with breast cancer, I should talk on camera. Hmmm. It took a while for me to say OK. Not because I don’t think I have a worthy story but I wasn’t sure if I wanted my agent, my ‘outside’ friends, those who don’t know me but will, to know. Cancer is an extremely inconvenient disease. It may not be debilitating at the moment for me but it interrupts my life flow. It turns what was once easy (humming along day to day) into something difficult and it pisses me off. I really don’t want to come across as bitter, angry, spoiled or negative. Hope said I was great. A great interview. Of course I was. Broadcast is my thing. It’s the message I worry about. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. The piece is set to air before the Cancer Walk on Oct. 9.
As for the rest of my life. Peace has resumed. I’m back from San Diego which turned out to be much less of a vacation than I had hoped. Sage was like the fricking Energizer Bunny and I had no one to hand her off to. It was all me. No daycare, no sitter, no friends. My parents just shook their heads and turned away. That doesn’t mean I was disappointed in them. Hell, if I was in a room where a kid was acting like Sage, I would love to walk away. It’s just that I couldn’t and she wore me down. Which in turn stressed me out because damn it I’m supposed to be doing what I can to get better. Stress does the opposite.
I also made the terrible error in judgment thinking that it would be fun to share a room with my daughter. Next time, she goes someplace else. At least then I will get enough sleep to handle the stress of the day.
I came home to some killer fall Park City weather. It’s 83 outside with a cool breeze and vibrantly blue skies at 5:45 p.m. I lifted today and tomorrow I’ll try to hike or climb. Best to enjoy the weather before it gets rainy and muddy.