I don’t think I would really have done it- Go home early. But ooh for a minute it was a brilliant, realistic idea. Here we were, all three of us, Sage crying and fussing, Ryan trying to explain to her why she was acting like Satan and me yelling at Ryan to give her a time out and walk away. It was quite a scene and not one I’m necessarily proud of. She’s tired, long day, over stimulated. I don’t care what the excuse I was so ready to walk away myself. Nothing, I mean nothing was stopping Sage from being the bitch child from hell.

Snow White Praying For Us.

Last night we deplaned and checked into The Travelodge Roach Motel. It was midnight. She was crying and refusing to sit still while we got our keys. Inside the room she wanted to jump on the beds and “play”. We told her no, that it was time to sleep and she threw her pillow at me. So I took all her pillows away, told her she wasn’t getting them back and turned off the lights. She cried for ten minutes then passed out. In the morning she asked to ride a roller coaster and we told her because of how she acted the night before, we weren’t go to any of the parks. We checked into the Port Orleans Riverside and spent the afternoon at Downtown Disney. We wandered in and out of the shops as we waited for our room to be ready and for Ryan’s parents to arrive. Every store brought on another tantrum because in every store she wanted us to buy her something and we said no. We kept telling her that we would put it on Santa’s list so she better be good. A couple of things might come her way toward the end of the week if she behaved, we added. She still acted like a spoiled brat. She even scratched Ryan on his arm. Don’t get me wrong, there were some good moments but the terror far outweighed the cute. Finally, Ryan told me he was done and that I could leave my key card with him and go home. That’s when I called US Airways to check on flights. And that’s when Sage started to cry and beg me not to leave. I really did want to go home at this point. It was all a mess. I’m not a mother. A mother would know how to handle this situation. All I wanted to do was pull a Marie Osmond.

I walked up to Sage and asked her if she knew why I wanted to leave. She said because she was being bad. I told her that her behavior was making me fight with Ryan and I didn’t like fighting. She promised to be good. And she was. Dreamy even. Until after dinner. We had a lovely and ear-numbingly loud meal at Raglan Road in Downtwn Disney, finishing up at 10:30p. Sage wanted to play with our phones. No. Tomorrow. She wanted to go swimming. No, tomorrow. She wanted someone to dance with her in the middle of the restaurant. No. She wanted to stay up and play when we got back to the hotel room. No, it’s bed time. And, no, we didn’t use the word ‘no’. We tried to respond like the books say. Offering alternatives; saying yes you can swim tomorrow, etc. But that didn’t stop her from getting bratty. Ugh.

Tomorrow we’re supposed to do breakfast with the princesses at Epcot. Maybe we should find a breakfast with the witches. Can you tell I’ve lost my cool??

Two times in a year. That’s even a lot for me. I’m not one of those ‘wear Mickey ears’ and carry a Princess backpack but I do like my theme parks. And when someone invites, I accept. Last November, my parents asked Ryan, Sage and me to join them at Disney World; that was just after Ryan’s parents told us to save the last week in September 2011 for them to take us, you guessed it, to Disney World. Who am I to deny them time with Sage? Plus, it beats visiting Boston again.

Ryan was a bit miffed that his folks wouldn’t be the first to intro Sage to Disney World but what can you do? He definitely put the kibosh on a day at Disneyland this summer when I went to visit my parents in San Diego. “At least let her feel like the trip in September is special.” We didn’t go. We did get a tour of Disney Studios thank to my college sorority big sister who’s an exec there but Ryan seemed to be cool with that.

I don’t exactly know what the draw is. A childhood thing? I remember the notes I’d hand to my teachers- “Please excuse Jill from school. Today is her birthday.” Then they’d pick me up and off we went to Disneyland; just me and my mom and dad. It was one of the rare days that I had them all to myself for 12 hours. In my senior year of high school, my friends and I ditched and spent a rainy afternoon at the Park. We had the place to ourselves; so much so that we could hop off those conveyor-belt seats at the Haunted Mansion and run around the graveyard. On the Peoplemover, I stepped out of the car and nearly plummeted off the narrow track but my friends rescued me in the nick of time.

My visits to the Happiest Place on Earth dwindled after college. I moved to Aspen then Park City. I went when I could; usually when I brought a new beau home to Cali to meet the parents. I’d also introduce him to Disneyland and the Venice Beach.

I made Ryan ride It’s a Small World twice in 2009 because Sage was asleep on the first round. She woke up as we were strolling down Main Street toward the exit. I spun them around and went right back to the ride. She couldn’t miss It’s A Small World if I could help it.

People tease that I use Sage as my excuse to visit Walt’s Worlds. Hell, I don’t need an excuse. If you don’t like Disney there’s something wrong with you!

Last year, was our first time at Disney World. I was afraid that I might not like it as much since it didn’t hold the same history. Nope. It’s a pretty neat place. I became a huge Hollywood Studios fan. Love the Rock n Rollercoaster, the Tower of Terror and the ToyStory 3 game. I do prefer Disneyland over the Magic Kingdom in Disney World. The Florida one feels small and slapped together. Maybe it will be different in 2012 when the new Fantasyland opens.
Scheduled for the Magic Kingdom, the renovations will add a Seven Dwarfs Mine Train coaster through the story of “Snow White,” a Princess Fairytale Hall for meeting Cinderella, Aurora, Tiana and Rapunzel, a Voyage of the Little Mermaid dark ride, a dueling Dumbo flying elephants ride, a “Beauty and the Beast” themed restaurant, and Gaston’s Tavern and Belle’s Cottage.

We leave this Saturday and my researching hormones are off the charts. I can’t help scanning blogs and Disney sites for every little insider tip. I already know about the FastPass, the singles line, the parent swap pass. I just found out you can collect transportation cards. These are free souvenir trading cards you can only get if you ask the boat, bus and monorail drivers. Eighteen in all.

I’ve booked us tables at the Brown Derby, the Whispering Canyon Café, The Akersus Dining Hall and the Crystal Palace. We’re on the ‘free’ dining plan that includes a table service meal a day. So much for losing weight this month.

Ok, I really should be sleeping at this very moment. Everyone else is passed out. But I can’t let the thoughts pile up. I wouldn’t be able to sort them out later. What a day. We had at least three tantrums from Sage – and this is after she spent over an hour screaming like Linda Blair last night. She didn’t want to sleep and she made sure no one else could. SIGH. My dad has started calling her The Thing again.

I now know how a black person feels when they visit Utah. Our first night in Orlando and my dad picks a place called Mama Nem’s for dinner. The soul food restaurant in a strip mall about 20 minutes from our hotel (the Marriott Grand Vista) came recommended. By whom I’m not sure but there we were; hesitantly shuffling past a sranding-room-only waiting area of black people all staring at us as if we were lost. Two white seniors, two white parents and a little white girl who kind of looks like the All-American Kid. The only white people in the entire place! We held our heads high and waited to be seated. It was like that scene in Animal House just before the guys come up to Boone and say “Do you mind if we dance wif yo dates?”

We drove back to the hotel a bit weary from the experience. Tomorrow we test out our Disney World tickets. I got them off eBay and the seller dropped them at the hotel this afternoon. I’ve read the warnings and posts all over the web. Don’t buy tickets on Craigslist or eBay because there’s no way to tell if the ticket’s already been used but the dude had near 100 percent feedback and I used my credit card. Worst case scenario: the tickets are confiscated, we buy at the gate for the regular price and I dispute the charge on my card. I’ve always been one of those people who had to “learn the hard way”. We’ll see what happens tomorrow. Wish me luck!